The Monaco Grand Prix Read online

d at the Monaco Grand Prix

  Cameron Thompson

  Published by Cameron Thompson]

  Copyright 2013 Cameron Thompson

  It was 9.15am on a hot summer’s day in England. In fact, it had been the hottest spring and early summer for over 350 years. I was just having my morning breakfast of two boiled eggs, a slice of toast and a nice cup of tea, when the phone rang un-expectantly. It was my favourite cousin. "Cameron" he bellowed in characteristic fashion "What the hell are you doing" he barked some more "I'm having my breakfast" I replied bemused. "Well get your arse down here to Monaco at Once" he shouted "Oh and make sure you take the chopper from Nice to Monaco, the traffic will be a nightmare" "Are you sure?" I asked in amazement "Of course I'm sure, it wouldn't be the same down here without you" and with that he hung up the phone. I needed no second telling, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity which I had to take with both hands.

  Within minutes I had gone on the laptop and booked my return flight with Easy jet. No wonder the bastards make a profit, they are only cheap if you book months in advance, if you book 5 hours in advance, the price goes through the roof. I threw a few pairs of shorts, some shirts and a dinner jacket and trousers into a small case and by 10.15am I was in a taxi on my way to Gatwick.

  The flight went ahead with minimum fuss and bother and two hours later I'm standing at the check in desk at Nice Heliport trying to book a chopper.

  "Cameron" Someone shouted, I turned round and there was Kojak in his trademark reflector glasses, bald head, beige jacket and chinos. "Fancy meeting you here" he grinned. "Yeah I know" I replied " just 5 hours ago I was sitting on my sofa having breakfast and now I'm here"

  "For Fuck's sake, don't tell me, I've had a nightmare of a journey, I got up at five and I’ve been sitting on the tarmac for five hours while they fixed the plane. I handed over my card to pay for the flight and soon we were taking off from Nice heliport, heading out across the bay towards Monaco.

  I'd never been in a helicopter before, it was simply amazing, within 10 minutes we had arrived at the heliport in Monaco and were walking through the town trying to find my cousin's apartment.

  To say my cousin's apartment was conveniently located was an understatement. You couldn't have picked a better location to watch the Grand Prix. The apartment was on the top floor of a block which was situated right above both the starting grid and the winning post, and where the podium was located for presenting the prizes. Kojak and I eventually got to the apartment, all hot and sticky from the short walk across town.

  "You nearly never made it" said cousin smiling "hurry up and get changed, you need to put some decent togs on were all going out now" "I've got one slight snag" I said "What that" said cousin "I've got no decent shoes" I replied "have you got any of yours I can borrow?"

  "For fucks sake Cameron, you could have brought a pair of decent shoes with you" said cousin "I've only brought my flip flops" I replied, I chucked my old black shoes away" Cousin, disappeared into a cupboard and handed me a pair of black lace up shoes from Clarkes. "So I don’t get to wear your hand made pair then?" I said cheekily "Cheeky bugger" said cousin, "hurry up we're late the limos are waiting"

  Kojak and I swiftly got changed and we all rushed down in the lift to the waiting blacked out mini vans which were parked just next to the winner’s podium. After about an hour’s spectacular drive along the mountainous corniche, we finally arrived in St Paul de Vence which is a very picturesque, famous French village.

  We stopped by the entrance to an equally famous restaurant and hotel, La Colombe D'or. All 20 of us sat around a very long table outside, sheltered from the still hot sun, by vines and bougainvillea.

  As luck would have it, a very beautiful and mysterious blonde sat to the left of me, and an equally beautiful black woman sat to my right. From that moment on, the wine flowed and the conversation became hilarious, I can't remember exactly what we talked about, but there were lots of laughing and joking and a little bit of flirting.

  As the day turned to dusk, candles were lit all around the terrace. It was one of those amazing evenings that I shall remember for the rest of my life. I was especially proud of myself as I was able to translate the all French menu into English for my new found friends.

  Eventually, around midnight the meal was finally finished and we all met for late night drinks around the bar. "You're surprisingly sober" said cousin "Yes" I replied "pretty amazing for me" "How come" asked cousin "I'm pacing myself, trying to stay the course" I replied. "This must be a first then" joked cousin.

  We all had several Bombay Saphire GNT's and then the restaurant owners offered to show us around the hotel. Inside the hotel was like going into the Musee D'orsy in Paris, but having to walk around tables and chairs. There were Picassos, Monets, Gaugin's every kind of French impressionist painting seemed to be hanging on the wall. We all gazed up at an amazing Picasso, Apart from the Tate gallery in London or the Musee D'Orcy in Paris, I had never been up close to so many famous paintings.

  This place has got to be one of the best hotels and restaurants in the world. Soon we were all ushered into the blacked out Min vans for the journey back to the apartment in Monaco. I sat in the back of a Minivan with the Mystery Blonde and her other half. "What did you think of that darling?" she cooed in her soft Australian accent "It was wonderful, simply fantastic" I replied.

  Soon we had all nodded off on the journey home. I woke up just as we got back to the entrance to the apartment. Those of us that were staying at my cousins got out, the rest went on to their hotels in another part of town.

  Once we had made it up the life to the top floor apartment, we all had a couple more Gin and Tonics. "Oh fuck" said cousin "What's the matter now?" I replied.

  "Well you haven't walked the dogs" said cousin "I haven't?" I queried "Er, I forgot to tell you, you are chief dog walker and poop scooper" said cousin "I knew that there was some catch to this weekend" I replied. "It's easy, just take these plastic bags, walk around the block a couple of times to let them do their business, and bring them back, its simple"

  "Its Simple?" I replied "Yes, here's the front door key to get back in" I shouted for the two gorgeous Golden Retrievers Barca and Manu to come with me. Straight away they jumped up and made a beeline for the door, the poor things were desperate to go outside and relieve themselves. I took them down in the lift and took them for a walk around the block a couple of times. I had to keep on calling for them and shouting their names to bring them to heel.

  Finally after several poos and wees, they were ready to go back to the apartment. The snag was, after an evening of drinking, and having had several stiff Gin and Tonics, everything seemed a bit of a blur, all the apartments looked the same, I hadn’t really taken note of where we had started. I was lost. I bent down and looked the dogs in the eye. They both gave me that mournful doh eyed look that only Golden Retrievers seem to give.

  I bent down and spoke to them directly, my face inches from theirs. "Now look boys" I said, Its 3am in the morning, I've never been here before, I'm lost in a foreign country, I'm a bit pissed, and I can’t find my way home, however you two are Golden Retrievers, you should know where to go?" The dogs both, at that moment sat down in the middle of the street. They looked at me with that look that said "you are an idiot" Seeing that I was not getting anywhere, I looked up and noticed that right opposite me was a police station with a policeman right outside. I wandered over to the policeman and got out my mobile phone, on it was a text from my cousin with the address of the apartment. I showed him the text

  "Qu'est est Boulevard Albert 1 'eme" I asked "Vous Avez Ici" he replied Then he reached out and pointed his finger, behind me were the two dogs sitting in the street facing a do
orway "C'est La" he said

  At that moment out of the door way came my cousin, who stood in the entrance way "Cameron, where the fuck have you been" "I've been lost" I muttered The dogs bounded forward, I felt such an idiot, all the time we had been outside the apartment, and I never knew.

  The next few days rank as some of the best days of my life, days were spent eating al fresco seafood meals on the beach, watching the practice sessions from the balcony of cousins apartment, having a sumptuous evening meal at the Café du Paris, wine tasting in the cellars of the Hotel Du Paris, chatting until 3am in the morning on the terrace outside the Budha Bar, while all the time enjoying the hilarious company and conversation of cousin’s eclectic group of friends and acquaintances.

  The morning of the Grand